1. "It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains."
Pride and Prejudice and Zombies by Jane Austen and Seth Grahame-Smith (yes, it's blasphemy in Austen loving circles, but it is amusing).
2. "Frey Daly swatted at a fly buzzing her head as her left stiletto tottered on the gravel under her feet.... Dig that, she thought. Hell has a campground."
Wish You Were Here by Lani Diane Rich (very funny book)
3. "You could die here."
Beholder's Eye by Julie Czerneda (Czerneda is a skilled writer with a lovely voice)
4. "It was an odd-looking vine."
Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind (loved this book. Still on the fence about the rest of the series)
5. "Staring down the wrong end of a gun, Tess MacKenzie realized something she hadn't thought was possible: This lousy day could get worse."
Unearthed by C.J. Barry (C.J.'s book are all fabulous *love*)