One thing I've always liked about living in rural Idaho is the wildlife. There are all kinds of birds, squirrels, deer, elk... feral cats the neighbor feeds >_<
Then there are the moose.
At first they're cool.
"Ooo! Look! There's a moose in the yard. Isn't she sweet!"
Then you realize that you can't let the dog out to pee because there's a moose in your yard and your little dog, being the brave yet brainless creature she is, will probably try to take it on.
Yes, suffice to say, having a moose show up in your yard every morning gets old fast. Even her bringing her almost grown baby with her didn't make it any cuter. Especially when said baby thought it would be a good idea to poke around on my porch.
Then, one day, I'd simply had enough. I looked out the window and there was mama, eating on my favorite tree.
These things are like vermin, getting into everything! Big mice with stubby little tails. I was fed up. So I marched out to the porch and started yelling.
"Leave my damn tree alone!"
Mama glances over with a startled look, but then turns back to eating my tree like I wasn't even there. Disrespect. Pure and simple. I wasn't going to stand for that.
Fortunately for me I laid down some medium sized rocks on my path last summer so there was plenty of ammo close at hand (I wasn't about to go up and kick her. I'm crazy, not stupid). I hefted a fist sized rock and chucked it right at her butt.
Now you must remember, there is a very good reason I never played baseball when I was a kid. The rock missed... by a lot. But it landed in the bushes with a crash. That got her attention.
"Get!" I shout, chucking another poorly aimed rock at her. She took one more look at me, decided I was crazy and she better go before I got out the chainsaw.
Of course it wasn't until I came around the corner of my house that I saw baby had been in the yard too. (I probably wouldn't have tried to tangle with mama if I had known baby was out there). But I was past the point of no return and yelled at him too.
I did feel a little bad with him. As soon as I came around the corner he perked up his years and gave me a look that said "Hi there! Who are you? Do you want to play?" ... and then I chucked a rock at his head. He flinched as they rock hit the ground several feet short of him. His eyes got real big. "Ahhh! She's scary!" And he took off after his mom, who was headed towards the part of my fence that she had knocked down when she came in. After that it didn't take much to drive them the rest of the way out of my yard.
They haven't been back since.
Victory!
